Hey Guys.
This is just going to be a full out rant because you know what? I'm so sick of it. i'm so sick of not being there when the boys do something amazing and incredible.
At this very moment they're setting up the premiere to be watched by a whole tons of girls. Excluding me. I'm not assuming or anything but I'm betting there will be at least ten girls there that have just started to 'love' One Direction. I'm not being mean and I hate calling out Diretionators but this time I feel like it's just not fair anymore.
I hate it. I absolutely completely hate it. I hate not being there when the boys are making a huge appearance. Want to know why? Because I hate not using every moment I can to show them how much I love. To show them how much I support them in everything to show them that I don't want to be just a fan. I want to be their fan. Only theirs. Yes, I listen to other music. but none of those lyrics will ever sink into me like theirs do.
Did you guys know that when I was 12-ish I was a Belieber? Yeah. I used to be so 'in love' with justin. But no that I look back on it, I never bothered to make a twitter account to know what he's up to. I never made a blog dedicated to him. I never made fan fictions about him. I never even knew what his mums name was or where he started or when his tours are. I couldn't even sing his whole first album. All I knew where a couple of songs.
Now that I look back, I compare myself as a Directioner to myself as Belieber, they don't even compare. Not even in the slightest.
Zayn, Liam, Niall, Louis and Harry have somehow managed to screw themselves a place in my heart without even knowing me. They've managed to engrave every detail of themselves into my brain without even seeing me at all. They've done all that without even realizing I exist.
How?
Don't even try to ask me because to be honest, I haven't got the slightest clue. All I know is they did it.
It's not just because they're hot or cute. Yes they could make me melt with a single breath, but they're more than that. Their voices are beautiful. It may not be beautiful to everyone, but to me... It's like cool ice water running through a burn on my skin. I can listen to them all day long and never get tired. I can hear them talk, sing, laugh, scream, cry, shout and I still wouldn't mind. Their voices calms me no matter how hectic life is getting, their voices, rejoice me no matter how crappy life is getting and only their voices can do that in most cases.
I would say that I have no idea what I'm going through right now, but I do. I know exactly, what I'm going through.
I am so proud of them for getting to where they are now. For going after their dreaming and overcoming every obstacle they're faced with. I am so happy that they're living their dream because it's the least they deserve! They've worked so hard and so persistently that I am just dumbfounded at what they've achieved. I'm so over the moon at all that's happened in the past few years. I know that even if they have never and/or will never know I exist, I know that I will never regret ONE MOMENT of being in this fandom. This fandom that we built from the boys from the stairs. This fandom that we've built together with the boys. This fandom that is now my second family.
But at the same time, I don't feel so happy. I feel like some mother watching her son go off to college. I miss them so much. I know that they're there but, I miss them joking around about being with each other, I miss them being able to just walk out and not get attacked, I miss them doing twitcams, I miss them on twitter. As much as I am so proud and happy of them for getting so far. I wish that our fandom and the media and fame in general hadn't changed them so much.
And don' even bother sending the hate. They've changed and you know it. I know it and everyone knows it. But that's the key.
EVen if we know they've changed, even if I know they've changed... It doesn't change on thing for me. They are still my boys. They are still singing, they are still One Direction. I will still be up late hoping for a follow, I will still update my blog hoping to get noticed, I will still cause my fingers and hands arthritis trying to type so fast to get my tweet noticed. All that won't change. I will still be in love with them and I will still be here for them.
I know that I am sounding crazy right now. Tbh, I know I'm sounding crazy. But atm I am on the verge of crying because noone in my family knows what I'm going through today, none of my friends no what I'm going through today and XFactor is playing out loud on the TV and tbfh with you it's too much. I can't deal with it.
"The band that lost the XFactor, but won the world."
That is so accurate. They did lose XFactor, but they won so much more than that.
I've actually lost all energy now and i'm just going to cry under my blankets until 2 am. Where everyone is asleep while I stay up, knowing I have school tomorrow, and watch a livestream of 'This Is Us'.
Why?
Because This Is Me.
EmEm
xx
